Hot In The City
by Writer Kuma-chan
Summary: The authoress controls everything and writes a fanfiction about what is happening within this fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

**Hot In The City!**

**Summary:** The authoress controls everything and writes a fanfiction about what is happening within this fanfiction.

**Disclaimer:** I hardly own anything here.

**Chapter1:**

_The authoresses got bored so…_

Legolas saw a sheet of paper lying on the ground and picked it up. "What is this?" he questioned, bringing it up to his face. And, as if that wasn't a poor enough choice, he began to read the sentence written down. Then, all at once, he felt as if he was being pulled into a vacuum before he was spit out in a place that seemed to be entirely made out of metal and glass.

There were screaming yellow monstrosities (aka: taxi cabs) flying up the streets, and, when they stopped, strange humans got out of them and others piled in. He couldn't tell whether they were getting eaten or not… And the people – there were more there than he'd ever seen in one place at any given time, save a festival, so much so that they appeared to be rivers of humanity.

Speaking of which, they happened to be dressed in the oddest assortment of garments imaginable. Not a proper cloak or boots to be seen anywhere. And don't even get him started on the women, who were scantily clad at best.

"Why on Arda am I here in this… wherever I am?" he called out, trying his best to figure out how he had gotten himself from home to a strange place such as this.

"Here? Why, Leggy, my dove, you are in New York City," came a voice from behind him, the amused smirk clear in the almost taunting tone.

Whirling around, he was faced with a midget… thing… wearing what looked to be some sort of leggings… or something with a sort of coat on top. A black shirt with lace around the neckline peeked out from beneath. He noticed as an afterthought that she also sported a pair of black flats with the slightest inch of heel.

"Are you in mourning?" he asked suddenly, eyeing the odd ensemble.

"Absolutely not, dearie. I just prefer to wear black… It's slimming." She shrugged.

Another woman, much taller this time, popped up behind her and said, "Yes indeed! So, we actually decided to bring Leggy-love here?"

"Yes, Kuma, we did. Don't you remember?" the smaller woman replied, turning around to look at her companion in consternation.

"…Absolutely not…"

"Why am I not surprised?" The other one sighed, shaking her head and causing her loose bun to wobble.

Legolas did a double-take at the other woman's outfit, attempting and failing to piece together the logic behind it. Kuma was wearing a pink asymmetrical ruffled skirt with black leggings (finally!), a purple corset top with bows down the front, a long white cloth scarf that wrapped around her shoulders and trailed behind her almost like a tail, white knee-high lace-up boots with clear platform soles and skinny heels that both added greatly to her height and gave the illusion that they were made of glass, a pink glove on her right hand and a black one on her left, and black… he assumed they were kitty ears… underneath a sort of puffy lavender-colored hat.

"Erm… What is that thing atop your head?" he asked tentatively.

"Oh, you mean this?" she chirped, taking it off and looking at it, "It's a page boy hat!"

"A page what?"

"A page _boy_!"

"…I am lost," he muttered. It was then that he noticed her long blonde pigtails had a strange assortment of dies running through them, but they were distracted by a shrill shriek from across the street before he could ask what had happened to her hair. They turned around to see a woman pointing at him, her face flushed with excitement and immediately his stomach dropped to his feet.

"LOOK! It's ORLANDO BLOOM!1111!1!" she cried out, catching everyone else's attention… mainly females and men of questionable… something.

"Alright, love. Ready to face the masses?" the short one, whose name was still not established as of yet, said as she took his arm and prepared to run.

"No!" he squeaked. If ever there was a time it could be said that Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, was scared, that would have been it.

"Right, then! I shall take that as a yes!" Kuma practically shouted, returning her hat to her head and grabbing his other arm. Nodding to her companion, she smirked slightly and they proceeded to drag the confused elf through the streets, hoards of screeching fangirls and whatnot chasing after them.

After three blocks of running and a taxi cab to an apartment in upper Manhattan, the three made it to the women's living quarters, locking the door and all the windows behind them. "Okay, we can breathe now," Kuma said, the rest of her multi-colored hair sticking out in random directions from under her hat, "You know, I had no idea we could make it three blocks on foot."

Legolas had trouble figuring out how she could make it _anywhere _on foot while wearing those boots with heels he'd been told were called stilettos. They seemed awfully painful to walk in much less _run_.

"That's three more than usual," the smaller woman commented, almost confirming his suspicions, as she collapsed on the couch and immediately set to work on fixing her black hair, which had fallen out of her bun by now, "I could use a cup of tea."

Kuma nodded in agreement before looking over at the elf. "Me too," she agreed, "And we should really do something about this whole Orlando Bloom thing, wouldn't you say so?" She took a harder look at the confused blonde elf. "You really look nothing like him, dearie." With that, she pranced off to the kitchen, leaving him to glance around at the simple, yet tastefully decorated apartment.

"Miranda, what kind of tea do you want?"

"You know what I like," came the simple response.

"Oh, yeah… _duh._"

Legolas looked after the blonde – it had been explained to him on the taxi ride over that her hair had originally been that "boring and unsatisfactory" color before she "spiced it up" – woman curiously. "Kuma…" he said the word carefully and thoughtfully as if the peculiarity of the name had hit him just then, "Surely, that is a strange name for a woman such as yourself."

It took her a moment to realize he was talking to her, quickly appearing once again in the entryway between rooms. "Oh… me? Well, that isn't my real name," she explained, shrugging slightly, "You see… I'm just not all that fond of my real name, so Miranda and I shortened it to Kuma."

"The shortening of one's name should simply not be done," the elf stated seriously, ignoring the fact that she had disappeared again just as quickly as she'd appeared, "It is quite rude. Just as I shall not have you call me anything other than Legolas. That includes no Leggy, Leggy-love, Leggy-_lass_, or any of those other insensitive things you uttered in my direction on our way here. And furthermore –"

"We should totally give him a makeover!" Kuma yelled enthusiastically as she bounded back in from the kitchen, a wide grin on her face.

Miranda perked up instantly. "We totally should," she agreed, her brown eyes widening as the ideas started forming in her head.

"We should dress him in black leather!" they shouted in sync.

"No!" he quickly retorted, his eyes the size of dinner plates, "That is precisely what I was about to say you should _not _do."

"But it's us…" Miranda told him, "We never do what we're told to do."

"It's against our morals," Kuma added cheekily before turning to the smaller woman, "By the way… tea's up."

"Ooh, yay," Miranda replied as the two scurried into the kitchen.

Legolas plopped himself down on the couch and stared off into space for a while, trying not to attempt to even _begin_ to fathom the possibilities of how a nonsense piece of paper could cause all this to happen to _him_, of all elves.

Moments later, the two women returned with large mugs of what he guessed was their tea, chattering to each other in volumes high above anything he had ever heard before. They continued laughing as they sat down next to the elf and continued to ignore his presence. "Will one of you two _please_ explain to me why I am here?" he finally said to them.

The two females glanced at each other and smiled. "Well… we brought you here, my dear," Miranda slowly began to answer almost dazedly, staring into her half empty mug.

"It's because we've got the power!" Kuma enthused, smiling childishly, "And we're just awesome like that."

"So, you mean you two… brought me here… with a piece of _paper_?" Legolas received a nod in return. "And I am here all alone in this… place?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Kuma agreed before looking over at Miranda, who had by now finished the contents of her mug. The blonde woman continued to sip from hers as she waited for the tiny brown-eyed one to say something.

"Oh, but you won't be for long," Miranda told him, peeking up at the now-standing elf from over the rim of her empty mug. An almost evil cackling sound suddenly filled the room as the small one laughed at the thought. She sighed and sat back in her seat, grinning to herself. "You know…" she began kind of distractedly, "We should bring Haldir here."

"The marchwarden?" Legolas asked, his eyes narrowing slightly as if to question their sanity (what sanity?).

"Why, of course, my dove." Miranda nodded thoughtfully. "We totally should!"

"Already done." Kuma grinned, putting down the notebook in her hand. They heard a crash as someone toppled over into the umbrella stand by the door, catching everyone's attention, the coat rack falling on the tall newcomer as he backed up into the room.

"Oh, yay, he's here. Would you get the door, Leggy, dear?" the black-haired midget questioned hazily.

"I'm sure he would if Haldir wasn't _already_ here." Kuma rolled her eyes as she saw the newest member of their party stand up straight and look around hurriedly as if trying to figure out how he had gotten from the borders of Lothlórien to such a strange room in unfamiliar territory.

"What is this and… why are _you_ here?" Haldir demanded, his eyebrows twitching in confusion as he stared at the prince, "Where are we and… Legolas… who are _they_?" The marchwarden glanced at the two females who were practically sprawled out on the couch, laughing hysterically at what seemed to be nothing in particular, their hair still sticking up in different directions. "In truth, I did not think you had it in you."

"What? Ack, you know, sometimes I wonder where your head is, Marchwarden." Legolas wrinkled his nose, trying to erase the mental image Haldir had just planted in his mind. "These two are the cause of us being here in the first place and they simply refuse to send us home for whatever reason they could possibly have. I can not understand what they would gain from any of this, in the first place."

"Well, it must be good for a few laughs at most," Haldir offered, raising his Eyebrow of DOOM in their direction, seeing as the two women were drying tears from their watering eyes.

"We should dress _him_ in black leather too," Kuma blurt out, starting a new round of hysteria between them.

"Oh, that's good. I can totally see that," Miranda laughed, "And I suppose we should get Glorfy here too?"

"Yes, yes!" the blonde woman practically squealed, the tears simply refusing to stop, "If I had my notebook right now, I would totally write this down… Oh, wait… I do. Here, let me get it." She leaned over to grab the spiral bound book sitting next to her and began to jot something down. "Oh, that's just perfect." She shook her head in amusement as she began to calm down, the pencil in her hand moving at an incredible pace. "Done." She clipped the mechanical pencil to the spiral binding and tossed the notebook aside.

And before another word could be said, there was another blonde elf standing in the room with them, seeming just as confused as the others. He looked around at them, completely skipping over the two smirking women and focusing on the other elves.

"Legolas? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"What are you doing here?" the prince returned.

"No, I asked you first. What are you doing here?"

"But I am a prince and I asked you what you are doing here, thus you must respond."

Glorfindel once again noticed Haldir and said, "Marchwarden? What are _you_ doing here?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I am the Balrog Slayer and you will answer me! What are you doing here?"

"I am a marchwarden. What are you doing here?"

"I am older than you! Answer the bloody question!"

"At least, I did not _die!_"

There was a moment of silence and then Glorfindel said, "That was low…"

Legolas nodded fervently in agreement.

"Alright, girlies," Kuma broke in, "All of you are here because –"

"– we brought you here," the midget finished, looking incredibly smug.

The elves all looked at each other before Haldir gathered up the courage to ask the most important question anyone will ever ask in the history of Man and Elf-kind.

"Why?"

"Because. You are here to serve our own evil purposes… and because we could. So, there," Miranda said, crossing her arms over her chest as if that settled it.

"And we were bored," Kuma chimed in, looking so very pleased with herself.

"So… where are we? And, Manwë, what on Arda is that?" Glorfindel shrieked (yes, shrieked), pointing out the window at the little taxi cabs on the street far below.

"That would be a taxi," Kuma said slowly and patiently as if explaining to a stubborn child. Which he was… at that time…

"And… what does it do?" The elf who had fearlessly slayed a balrog in order to protect his home was positively petrified, his knees knocking against each other.

"It is a form of public transportation," Miranda said, sitting up onto her knees, "People get in, tell the driver where they need to be driven to, and then pay the person once they arrive based on how far they needed to go, then get out like that person is doing down there. Do you see?"

"What? You mean the man with a large and unsightly mole on his chin?"

Miranda gave him a strange look.

"Elves have incredibly good vision." He shrugged.

"That's it. Next time we do something, I am writing down that my vision is 20/15," she grumbled, flopping backwards with a disgruntled air.

"Oh, yeah… I forgot. You asked where we are. We're in our apartment, you silly goose!" Kuma said happily.

"And that would be where?" Haldir asked, looking peeved.

"In the great and fantabulous New York City!"

"You are way too hyper," Miranda sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"So… this place is in New York City?" the marchwarden quizzed, receiving simultaneous nods from the women in return, "This place right here… as in this little room we are standing in right now."

"Yes," they said, nodding their heads in agreement.

"This… building… if you can call it that… is in New York City?"

"Yes."

"…Are you sure? It looks awfully… large… You could fit three cities here. How far does it extend?"

"Oh… a few something-or-other blocks… I have no idea and neither does Kuma," Miranda answered.

Haldir looked incredibly confused and was just about to ask another question when Miranda said, "No more questions! I am in a tea-induced haze at the moment and nothing I will say shall make sense from here until several hours hence." And, with that, the women tipped their heads back against the couch and sighed, their gazes becoming unfocused.

The three elf lords shared a look between them and settled down in various other items of furniture, each gazing intently out the window.

"Say!" Glorfindel gasped, pointing into the sky, "What is that large, silver bird-thing? I have never seen anything move so fast!"

Kuma let her head fall loosely forward and squinted before saying, "That is an airplane, dove."

"'Ey! Tha's my word," Miranda slurred, blinking fuzzily at her friend.

Three blonde heads swiveled to look at her over their shoulders. "What on Arda was that supposed to be?" Legolas asked, looking shocked, "Is she drunk?"

"On tea, yes," Kuma said, smiling.

"…How can you be drunk on –?" Haldir began, but was cut off once again by Kuma.

"If you are Miranda or myself, then you can most definitely become drunk on tea and high on air. Or life… It depends."

The elves were about to say something before glancing at each other and quickly decided against it. Nope, they would much rather keep the amount of sanity they had miraculously managed to retain in their few moments in this strange place. A few seconds of silence passed between them until a horn honked somewhere below shortly followed by a series of words they would rather not repeat in any company. Kuma started giggling to herself slightly, setting off Miranda.

"What?" the small woman asked curiously.

"Bad things come in threes," came the reply, "Us, ourselves, and we."

"Oh, yeah." Miranda nodded in agreement before the two rested their heads on the back of the couch yet but once again.

The elf lords across the room grunted in agreement, ignoring the bad use of grammar. That would definitely explain a lot. After several minutes of contemplating and eerie silence, Haldir finally stood and sighed. When the two females didn't seem to react, he dared a step closer and sighed a bit louder this time. Still nothing. Getting frustrated with their lack of response, he cleared his throat. "Ahem, you two… females," he stated, getting the slightest of slight eye rolls in return.

"What?" they muttered in sync, obviously not ready to be bothered just yet.

"You shall send me home right now or else I shall have to find my way back myself, which you know I will do," the marchwarden informed them, trying his best to sound more authoritative than he felt.

"Tch. Yeah, right. Like you'd ever dare wander these streets on your own," Kuma commented, obviously not thinking he had it in him.

"Well… since you leave me no choice, I will just have to leave and get another maybe more_ sane_ person to help me," he insisted.

Legolas stood quickly, taking that as his chance to escape as well. "Wait… I shall come with you."

"Very well, if you must," came the reply and Haldir turned back to the two women, who each had an eyebrow raised in disbelief, "Good day to you."

"Good luck getting anyone to understand you," Miranda muttered, though he just caught what she said.

"And what is that supposed to mean? You can understand us perfectly well and us you. Or are we slowly following in your footsteps to insanity?" Haldir's reply sounded rather offensive.

"Well, my dove, it is us you are talking about," the short brown-eyed one responded simply, ignoring the insensitivity of his rather annoying comment, "No one else will be able to understand a word you utter and vice versa."

He turned his back to them with a small harrumph, trying to find the door. When he had it in his sight, the marchwarden began to stride toward it until a hand latched firmly onto the back of his cloak, stopping him. Turning back, he ignored Legolas, who was hovering practically right next to him and trying to imitate his way of looking in charge.

Kuma had taken hold of his cloak and was looking up at him seriously. "You know, Miranda, we should probably go with them," she stated, taking a good long hard look at his face, "I can definitely see where this is going."

Miranda nodded as she pulled herself off the couch and approached them. "Oh, fine. What about you, Glorfy?"

Glorfindel, taking a moment to realize it was he she was talking about, raised an eyebrow at them. "Pardon?" he questioned sternly, standing up and taking an almost threatening step in their direction.

"Oh, sorry, dove…" Miranda shook her head, remembering the Balrog Slayer would probably attempt to murder her before giving in to her cutesy nickname for him, "Are you going to join us on this soon to be very short mission? Or would you rather wait here for us to return rather than troubling yourself by getting up only to walk outside and back in again?"

"I would rather stay here, where it is safe," was all they got in return as he sat himself back down again, crossing his arms stubbornly.

"Alright, we'll be back for you in a bit," the small woman shrugged and they headed out the door, closing it securely behind them, "Kuma, we are _so_ taking the elevator."

"But you hate them," Kuma reminded her in confusion as they neared the metal doors down the hall.

"Yes, but I'd rather not walk down all those flights of stairs. Oh, why didn't we get an apartment closer to ground level?"

"I am sure you will soon remember why," Kuma stated thoughtfully before Haldir cut in as they stopped in front of it and Miranda pressed the button to call the elevator to their floor.

"Are you sure you two would not rather save us all the trouble and send us home the way we came instead of wandering around this New York City for who-knows-how-long?" the marchwarden quizzed hopefully, Legolas nodding in agreement.

"Oh, trust us. We will not be getting very far what with the whole Orlando Bloom incident from before," Miranda explained to the confused elf lords just as the elevator arrived and the metal doors opened for them, "They're probably still plaguing the streets below just waiting for Leggy, here, to step outside again." She gestured towards the irritated prince.

"Are you sure you're not reconsidering the black leather?" Kuma persisted, glancing over at Legolas, who simply glared at her in return as they stepped into the small metal room. Kuma pressed the button for the main lobby as Miranda folded her hands together and began muttering something under her breath.

"Erm… What on Arda is she doing?" Legolas stated, shaking his head and raising an eyebrow at them.

"Shut up and leave me alone," Miranda quickly responded before going back to her mumbling, praying the elevator wouldn't get stuck and trap them in there for the rest of eternity… or however long it took them to fix it. And so, for the rest of the way down to the lobby, it was silent all but for the 'la, la, la'-ing of a certain hyper blonde woman.

Miranda was the first one out, practically thanking the heavens she had made it alive and in tact, while the others trailed slowly behind her. The moment they walked outside, Haldir glanced around in total confusion. "It looks so much bigger from down here," he deadpanned, trying though failing not to sound intimidated, "Whoever built this _must_ have been compensating for _something_."

"Oh, _shoost_, you." Kuma smacked him in the arm, hoping to silence the annoying elf lord. Just then, another shrill shriek could be heard from across the street.

"EEEEE! It's Craig Parker!1!1!1!" the woman screeched and Miranda immediately stepped in front of Haldir, who was more confused than he had been since he'd gotten to this strange place, while Legolas did his best to hide behind the fearsome marchwarden.

"If any of you so much as try to lay a hand on _my_ elf, I will tear you limb from pretty limb," a loud and intimidating voice coming from such a small and dainty person seemed to keep them at bay for a moment as the slowly growing crowd decided what to do. Kuma produced and unfolded a large sign from her pocket reading _'Beware of midgets'_ and proceeded to hold it up in front of her for all to see.

Legolas peered out from behind Haldir and gave her a questioning glance. "What is that supposed to mean?" he quizzed, choosing to ignore the fact she had seemed to produce it from nowhere. Rolling her golden eyes, the blonde female shook her head and removed a black marker from her other pocket, tactfully drawing an arrow on the sign pointing to her companion. "Enough said."

"I bet you are definitely reconsidering the black leather now, aren't you?" Miranda implied, staring down anyone who might have been brave enough to approach, "For, if I weren't here, they would have torn you apart until they got close enough to realize who you really were… or in this case aren't."

"Why don't we just go back inside now before anyone has to get hurt?" Kuma suggested, "Because, in my opinion, if you two attempt to make a run for it, I'm tripping Leggy-love and scampering away as fast and as far away as my legs can carry me… before I collapse, of course."

"It is nice to know _someone_ cares," the prince sulked, his tone dripping with sarcasm as they started to back away into the building again.

"Gee, Leggy, the way you say that suggests a sarcastic air in your tone, implying our efforts here to keep you safe are all in vain," Kuma retorted smugly and he quickly decided to close his mouth and remain silent for the rest of their journey back up to the apartment, "So… cool or tough? Which image would you prefer?"

The elf lords grimaced in return, trying to figure in their heads which was worse: being forced from their normal preferred ensemble into something foreign and odd, for lack of a better word, or a hoard of screaming girls.

**(A/N) ****Konnichiwa! It is your funderful authoress Kuma-chan here with her first ever fanfiction! I do hope you enjoy it. ^_^**

**Just a quick note: The first sentence in italics is the first section of the sentence written on the paper Legolas picked up. To clarify in case of confusion, the fanfiction you are reading now is essentially the one Kuma is writing in the story.**

**Until next time… ****Bai–bai! *bows politely, waves, and trots off***


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: Chapter 1 has been edited – added to, minor changes been made, grammatical corrections been made, and new dialogue been added along with other notable edits – so please do go back and re-read it as a refresher, preferably before you confuse yourselves by reading the following chapter beforehand. There are two readers I am aware of who have already been notified ahead of time, for whom this is simply a friendly little reminder that more changes may have been made since they were last informed of my editing. ^_^**

**Chapter 2:**

"Back so soon?" were the first words out of Glorfindel's mouth as soon as the group opened the door to the apartment room.

The women stared at the elf lord, who was comfortably leaning back against the couch, hands behind his head. "Oh, hush up. We're still stuffing you in the black leather," Miranda warned him, ushering a very disgruntled Haldir into the room and sitting him down on in one of the rather puffy armchairs scattered about the place. Kuma had insisted on having them to satisfy her odd obsession with their particular style when they had first started shopping for furnishings for the apartment.

Kuma snorted in agreement as she practically dragged Legolas after her and shut the door behind him before he could even think about escaping. "After that exhausting journey, I need another cup of tea," came her half sarcastic-half serious reply before she pushed the prince onto the couch and headed off to the kitchen to put on another pot of water.

"Me too… and maybe some for our guests," Miranda called after the blonde, who by now had given up on her hair and just threw her hat on over the multi-colored bush that was currently engulfing her head, pigtails messily dangling behind her and kitty ears askew.

"Of course," came the loud reply.

Miranda glanced over at the two scowling elves, both of which had their arms crossed in a rather childish manner. Glorfindel simply smirked and shook his head at them, an eye roll shortly following.

"Oh, and what are you laughing at?" Legolas pouted as Haldir placed a hand to his temple in annoyance.

"What ever happened to the maturity in this room… for I am beginning to think I am the only one," came the balrog-slayer's response. Legolas stuck out his tongue, causing Glorfindel to raise an eyebrow to suggest he'd proven his point.

"Will you two be quiet?" the marchwarden demanded, "I am beginning to get a migraine." Miranda took a seat next to him and stretched out a bit to relax for a while. It was quiet all but for the clanging going on in the kitchen. Miranda got a strange feeling as she looked back over to the couch and noticed the spiral bound notebook that had been sitting there before they left was suddenly gone.

"Leggy-dove?" she quietly spoke up after a while of thought, causing the prince to glance over at her curiously, "Are you sitting on our notebook by any chance?"

The elf raised an eyebrow in confusion and shifted slightly before shaking his head. "Ah… no?"

"Did Kuma grab it on her way in, do you know?" the small woman persisted, hoping for a positive answer from him this time. Instead, he just shrugged in response as the others ignored her question entirely. "Glorfindel… did you take it while we were gone?"

The elf lord continued to stare at her with an expression of complete and utter boredom before finally realizing she was talking to him. "It was there from the time you left to the time you got back. I would not touch that… thing… simply because I do not care enough to do so," he answered straightforwardly, "As if I actually care what you females write."

"Well, for your information, that is the reason why you are still here," Miranda commented, wiping the smug expression from his face.

Before that could send them into a panicked frenzy, a much louder thud resounded from the kitchen where Kuma had disappeared off to moments before. A clanging of sorts followed soon after only raising suspicion from the frizzy black-haired woman currently clamouring to her feet in surprise. "Kuma?" she asked, her voice straining not to rise above a level of calm concern. Knowing her friend, she'd most likely done something extravagant while she wasn't looking. "What's going on in there?"

"N-nothing… Miranda … Nothing at all," the blonde scrambled to the entryway that connected the two sections of the apartment, "The tea is ready now." The smaller woman wouldn't have suspected much if not for the betraying blush about the golden-eyed woman's otherwise pale face. A sheepish grin admitted she read the knowledge in her friend's eyes. "I…" She turned to look back into the kitchen. "Where'd you go? Come out of there before I'm forced to _drag_ you… Urgh, I didn't expect you to be _that_ daft."

"I resent that," came a strangely familiar voice as a blonde man's figure appeared in the doorway next to Kuma. His slender form was finely dressed in what they assumed to be very near to designer labels, a neat dress shirt and a fancy pair of slacks. His one hand held the blazer he was draping over his matching shoulder while the opposite hand firmly held the spiral-bound notebook the smaller woman had been searching for. "And I think this is yours."

He handed the book back to the woman, whose golden eyes were still struck with small amounts of embarrassment and he seemed to know his presence was part of the cause. And very well it should. After all, she'd been the one to drag him here in this state; that much he was sure of. He was hardly dressed for the city, since he'd been on business just moments before back in New Mexico. Not even the flashing lights of Hollywood, though, could compare to the spark that seemed to be ever present in the more childish of the women in the room. He cast his blue gaze over at the others around him, wanting more than anything to know just how he'd gotten so very far away from home.

"Everyone… I'd like you to meet Ryan Evans."

Miranda placed a hand to her forehead at those last words from her friend's mouth. She hadn't expected any less from her and, for a moment, she actually let a smile slip across her face as she pondered what the slightly flamboyant man would be able to add to their fun. He was no longer the lanky teenaged frame she'd last seen him as. This time round, he was an adult within their age group; she was almost positive of it.

After they'd all settled down into a seating arrangement of sorts and made themselves comfortable, the room and its atmosphere became still and inexplicably awkward as they sipped their tea. Kuma fiddled a bit with the mechanical pencil in her free hand, twirling it between her fingers until it fell to the floor with a light clatter. Before the others could twitch, Ryan bent over and retrieved it for her, perhaps exaggerating the movement a bit much. Whatever his motives might have been – whether to purposely fluster the blonde or to be honestly kind, perhaps even to catch the attention of any of the others in the room – he had her flushing furiously as he handed it to her with a nothing less than charming smile. She proceeded to squeak in embarrassment, trying not to drop it again when he let go, and hid behind her teacup from his strikingly blue eyes that, in her mind, seemed to be looking right through her.

Haldir cleared his throat, eager to end the odd silence between them, and turned to the newcomer almost curiously. "Do tell us, where do you hail from, kind sir? I am afraid we know not all that much about you."

Ryan hardly hesitated to respond as professionally as he had drilled it into his conversational mechanics to be. "Albuquerque, New Mexico. It's quite a while away from here. Across the country, actually." He paused a moment to swallow another mouthful of tea while the elves let that thought sink in. "Since we have a conversation going, I don't think we've all been properly introduced to each other. As you may remember, I am Ryan Evans. Nice to meet you." He watched them patiently as they gathered their thoughts.

"I do believe you are right," Glorfindel voiced his agreement and straightened up as best he could in his position on the couch, "I am Glorfindel, mighty Balrog Slayer of Gondolin. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, if only it were under better circumstances." There was no doubt they would be here for an uncertain amount of time, so there was no harm in learning everyone's name. They were all doomed to the same fate anyway.

Legolas seemed to be on the same train of thought and nodded politely. "I am Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood," he spoke, "It's nice to see a friendly face for once." He cast a sideways glance at the two women as if to make his point.

Haldir hardly caught the gesture and ignored it. "And I am Haldir, Marchwarden stationed at the borders of Lothlórien. We three hail from Middle Earth. I am not sure how far away it may be from here, but… I am beginning to wonder if we are even _in_ our world anymore. Things here are very different from what we are used to back home."

Ryan smiled kindly when they finished speaking. "Yes, I understand you are several _ages_ away from your home world. Of course, I'm aware of who you are and where you're from as I'm sure our hostesses are as well," he responded much to their confusion, "I've read the literature."

"Literature?" the three elf lords echoed.

"Do you mean to tell us there are tomes written about our lives?" Glorfindel inquired, offering his best guess as to what the man's statement meant. Surely, _he_ would be kind enough to tell them… unlike a certain pair of daft females.

"Yes, three incredibly popular volumes and a prequel as well. Tolkein documented everything quite nicely," the blue-eyed blonde man informed them, "There are also several movie versions of the original series, but neither of them is quite accurate. In fact, I can't say either version quite captured your appearances. I have to admit the films do you no justice."

"Although both Kuma and I agree with you, there is no need to stroke their egos, dearie," Miranda spoke up for the first time in what felt like ages, "For, if you do, it will grow so large that we will be forced to find more spacious living quarters. And I do not feel like doing such a thing on _any_ of your accounts." She set her empty teacup down on the coffee table and sighed.

Legolas hesitated, searching for the correct words to say. "Would you perhaps happen to know what other literature there may be about us… for instance, what might be in that book?" He motioned towards the spiral bound notebook Kuma kept safely on her lap and looked back to the young man, who had been kind enough to patiently tolerate their questioning and explain in a way they could understand.

To this, the three humans in the room smirked as if enjoying a personal joke of sorts. "Haven't you heard of fanfiction?" Three identical Elven eyebrow raises answered that question in a most predictable manner. "Right before you found yourselves here, did you in any way receive a piece of paper with some strange writing on it?"

The delayed sense of realization in their expressions dictated perfectly their sudden understanding.

"Congratulations, Leggy-love," Kuma chirped, seemingly recovered from her momentary embarrassment, "You are the first in all of elf-kind to discover fanfiction."

Understandably, the prince didn't feel like he deserved congratulation. In fact, he looked as though he would rather allow the floor to swallow him whole. And his two Elven companions physically expressed their agreement with varying expressions of shock or perhaps self-condemnation. For, if they had just left the strange leaflets of paper alone… they wouldn't have ended up in such a predicament and they would very well be safe at home, dealing with less stressful situations. Yes, blood, war, and death were easier for the elf lords to handle. At least that was something familiar to them.

~ . ~

"Manwë, what on Arda is _that_ monstrosity?" Haldir was the first to voice his surprise at the large coupled metal boxes on wheels that pulled into the large underground gathering place for humans of all sorts he'd been told was a subway. And that was not to be confused with the apparent popular eating place where humans flocked to buy sandwiches known as subs.

"Oh, dearie me. That's the train we're getting on. When the doors open, we step inside and they close safely behind us," Kuma told him, noticing his great hesitation as the train hissed to a stop in front of them, "Come on."

"Absolutely not," the marchwarden argued, shaking his head and refusing to budge, "What if the doors close on me before I get inside? Then I'll get stuck and I do not wish to go through that."

"They won't close on you if you move fast enough," Miranda cut in, latching tightly onto his hand and dragging him determinedly to the train doors, "If you stopped acting like a small child for a few moments, you might actually enjoy yourself. You too." She nodded toward Legolas, who was attempting to break free of Kuma's vice-like grip.

Glorfindel had needed no form of restraint because he'd already accepted his fate and decided any form of attempted escape would simply not be worth it. He knew the two females would find a way to hunt him down or simply write in that blasted book of theirs, resulting in his appearance next to them once again. It was always wiser to go willingly and face the challenge rather than to take the coward's way out. Although it seemed hopeless to think of ever going home again, he'd begun to get the feeling he was in little danger while under the watchful eyes of the females who'd brought him here. If the newest arrival trusted them already, he didn't see the harm in trusting them a bit himself.

"How can either of us relax knowing full well that thing may eat us?" Legolas shot back.

"You need to stop worrying so much." Kuma shook her head. "You're worse than _I_ am sometimes. It's just like the elevator. You had no trouble going through _those _metal doors."

The train doors opened and a group of people got off, pushing past them, their destinations already firmly set in mind. In all reluctance, the two resistant elves were practically shoved onto the train while the others quickly stepped on after them. Glorfindel took a short enough moment to realize he needed to step over the gap and quickly shift his weight onto the other foot so he could gracefully slip past the doors before they had the chance to close. Kuma wouldn't admit it out loud, but she was kind of impressed. It had taken her _much_ longer to get used to boarding a train so effortlessly. Her first time, she'd been terribly scared that she'd fall through the gap and onto the train tracks. A small shudder quivered over her spine, causing her body to tense for a fraction of a second.

"Is something wrong?" Ryan asked, taking notice of the slight reaction.

"Nothing… No, I'm fine." She smiled non-convincingly, although it melted into a smirk as the doors closed and the train began to move. "Looks like we're store bound, boys. At this point, there's _no_ turning back."

"I hope your wallet is full, Kuma, because we have a long day ahead of us," Miranda said, killing the three elf lords' hope of this being a remarkably _short _trip through the dangerous city, "Mine is quite ample from my last few pay checks."

"I got it covered!" the blonde woman replied, patting her pocket rather cheekily as she did so, "Cracked open my piggy bank last night, when we came up with this fanfiction idea."

"Please do us the favour of avoiding that particular topic while we are doomed to stay here," Legolas insisted, cringing upon hearing that dreadful word, "It is a most unsettling reminder of why we have been brought to such a… strange and unfamiliar place."

"You will learn to enjoy our beloved city eventually," Kuma reassured him, sounding as though she were excessively proud of her home.

"I certainly fear that," the prince mumbled uncertainly. He wasn't quite sure what to think about this situation as of yet except that it was beyond ordinary and also something short of against the law, at least he hoped it was.

The first few minutes of the train ride consisted of a semi-quiet search for somewhere to seat their unusually large group, shortly followed by complaints from the clean-freak elf lords about the different smells wafting through the car as they made their way to a newspaper-littered five-seater (the largest seating arrangement available, which the six of them somehow comfortably squeezed into by miracle no doubt). Kuma sat down and began playing with her long pink-and-purple-highlighted pigtails while Miranda busied herself with her nails. Ryan flipped through one of the newspapers, pausing patiently when one of the elves looked over his shoulder to decipher what he was reading.

Haldir especially seemed intrigued as the print translated before his eyes into a language he much better understood. He had to admit the subject material was rather odd, though. It wasn't much like anything he expected, but he was still determined to learn as much as he could in the time he was stuck here. Perhaps it might give him a better idea as to what this new age was about.

Not long into the train ride, a tall man casually approached them, hands stuffed into the pockets of a long black leather overcoat unzipped to reveal a shirt the same shade of reddish brown as his eyes and black pants tucked into midnight combat boots. He didn't even hesitate to look at the men sitting with the two women before he cleared his throat, startling them in the process, and shook his light brown hair out of his face. "Hey," he greeted them and assumed a dry smirk, "Listen, my head's killing me. You got any Tylenol or something?"

Miranda reached into her purse and pulled out a small bottle of Advil. "No, but I have this," she offered it to him and tipped two pills into the hand he held out.

Eyeing the midget in partial confusion, he handed one back to her and nodded his thanks before popping the remaining pill into his mouth and swallowing. "It should kick in pretty soon," he mentioned as he placed a bit of change in her hand for payment, "Take it. Won't do you any good to waste a penny on someone like me, huh?"

Miranda sighed, deciding not to argue with him at this point. Kuma's eyes lit up and she looked as though she was about to say something, but Haldir cut her off before she had the chance to open her mouth.

"What is the meaning of this?" the marchwarden demanded, confusing both women and the newcomer immensely, "Is that activity not illegal?"

"Hallydove… are you alright?" the black-haired midget asked in concern for his state of mind. What could he possibly be rambling on about? Had the train fumes gone to his head or something? Maybe, just maybe, taking the elves on the train so soon had been poor judgment on their part.

The elf seemed shaken a moment by her sudden nickname for him, but quickly resumed focus on his original train of thought. "Is what you just did there not called drug-dealing?" he declared in his most authoritative voice, "Partaking in illegal activity is something I strongly advise _against_ and simply _will not_ tolerate."

One of the articles he'd read warned of such a crime – the discrete selling of drugs without the proper authorization and he highly doubted either of these females were doctors. He wasn't sure what exactly that pill had been, but he'd recognized the bottle design from an advertisement he'd come across that specifically labelled Advil as a drug. It made little to no sense to him why there would be an ad for a drug in a paper alongside an article admonishing it, but that was of no concern to him. If he had any sort of leeway in his current predicament, he'd feel that much closer to convincing his captors to send them all home. He might also be able to strike a deal with them, especially if he'd caught them in an illegal act.

There was a moment of silence as all eyes fell to him. As he was about to ask why they were reluctant to speak, Kuma burst out into a round of hysterical giggles shortly followed by a cackle from Miranda and a chuckle from Ryan. The brunette man just shook his head and huffed in partial amusement.

"The law is not to be laughed at," Haldir persisted, motioning to his fellow elves, "Back where _we_ hail from, you would be lucky to get away with such a thing as this."

"No, goose," Kuma caught her breath enough to finally explain, "That wasn't _drug-dealing_. I haven't heard something so horrendous in my entire life."

"But I saw Miranda sell this stranger something from that bottle, which is clearly noted as a drug in this paper," he pointed out, jabbing a finger at the newspaper in Ryan's hands.

More laughter came from the three humans sitting with them, while the reddish brown-eyed man rolled his eyes. "Noob," he muttered and the elf almost considered asking him what that meant. He had an overwhelming feeling it was some form of insult and decided against requesting an answer he would find offence in. In this case, ignorance could be bliss.

"No, no, dove, this is Ryuu. He's no stranger." Kuma smiled back at the marchwarden before turning her attention to the brunette. "He just prefers to pay rather than to take favours… but I _do_ have to admit that was pretty weird. What's up?"

"Nothin'. Just a bad headache from last night. Didn't get much sleep and now it's caught up to me. I saw you when I got on and figured one of you'd have somethin' for me," Ryuu responded with a shrug, hands deep in his pockets again, "Who're your friends?"

Kuma waved her spiral bound notebook at him and smirked. "I'll explain if you'll join us," she offered, though it sounded more like a request.

"Looks like you're full without me," Ryuu stated most probably as a way to avoid drawing a conclusion until he'd fully analyzed the situation.

"That's alright," the blonde woman assured him as she stood and climbed over the others in order to reach him, "We can find a two-seater and speak privately. Come on." Without letting him respond, she hooked an arm in his and proceeded to drag the man off in search of a suitable seating arrangement.

The blonde men watched them depart in partial confusion. Haldir slumped back in the seat and heaved a sigh, far beyond fed up with this adventure. The other three looked at Miranda, hoping she could grant them some clarification.

"Is it safe to assume Kuma just abducted that man?" Glorfindel posed the first question.

"Yes." The black-haired woman nodded in confirmation.

"Is _that_ legal?" Legolas inquired, hoping to gain some form of assurance on the matter.

"In this case, perhaps," Miranda replied without hesitation, "In others, perhaps not."

He was almost surprised at how little that answered.

"Was that a friend of hers?" Ryan requested clarification. It made sense for that to be the case, but he was hoping to receive perhaps a more detailed answer.

"Boyfriend actually," Miranda dead-panned, sounding almost irritated with the topic.

Well, that sounded like a detailed answer, though not quite as detailed as he'd been hoping for. Just in case the midget tried to bite his head off, he decided against pressing the matter further.

"Will they be alright on their own?" Haldir quizzed, starting to wonder if it was safe to allow the pair to stray away from the group. Crimes such as muggings were less likely to happen to those in groups who looked as though they could handle themselves perfectly well in a fight.

"Absolutely," the midget sounded even more peeved. After all, they had phones on them, so they should be able to keep in contact and regroup at their next stop.

"Will _we _be okay?" Legolas wondered aloud, finding the look in Miranda's brown eyes far more than nerve-wracking. It was unsettling far beyond anything he'd ever faced before and he was having more trouble putting words to it.

Miranda grinned deviously at them, her eyes narrowing only the slightest bit, but the response she gave left them with more questions than answers. "That depends."

**(A/N) ****Konnichiwa! I would like to take this time to thank everyone who read, reviewed, favourited, and/or story alerted Hot In The City. It means so much to me that I have your support. I would especially like to thank scientia-potentia-est for leaving the first review and It's Josie Time for taking the time to review as well. ****Doumo arigatou! *bows politely* ^_^**

**I would also like to apologize for the delayed update. As certain complications unfolded, I unfortunately suffered a short writer's block until recently. ****Sumimasen!** ***bows head apologetically* I will try my best to keep this story going. Your reviews keep me motivated, so please leave nice ones for me.**

**Until next time… ****Bai–bai! *bows politely, waves, and trots off***


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